{"id":5486,"date":"2013-08-25T01:56:41","date_gmt":"2013-08-24T22:56:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bghaber.org\/bghaber\/?p=5486"},"modified":"2016-09-18T14:26:08","modified_gmt":"2016-09-18T11:26:08","slug":"inadina-yasamak","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bghaber.org\/bghaber\/inadina-yasamak\/","title":{"rendered":"\u0130nad\u0131na ya\u015famak"},"content":{"rendered":"
Bir hafta daha ge\u00e7ti.<\/div>\n
Pazar sabah\u0131 keyif kahvemi i\u00e7erken, Frank Schubert\u2019 in \u00a0\u201cPiyano Kontsertini\u201d dinliyorum. 18. ve 19. y\u00fczy\u0131llar aras\u0131nda (1797-1828) ya\u015fam\u0131\u015f olan bu Viyana\u2019 l\u0131 besteci birbirinden g\u00fczel eserlerini sanki inad\u0131na yaratm\u0131\u015f.<\/p>\n
\"Nafiye<\/a>
Nafiye Y\u0131lmaz<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n
Kuyruklu piyano klavyelerinden akan m\u00fczikte ge\u00e7mi\u015f g\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fcz ve gelecek ile \u00f6p\u00fc\u015ferek kayna\u015f\u0131yor. \u0130yilik y\u00fcre\u011fi ok\u015fuyor mu ok\u015fuyor, bekleyi\u015f \u0131\u015f\u0131k ar\u0131yor, ac\u0131lar mehlem buluyor. Kendimi unutarak dinledi\u011fim bu eserde yarat\u0131c\u0131n\u0131n \u00e7a\u011fr\u0131s\u0131, yani g\u00fcne uyan\u0131n \u00e7a\u011fr\u0131s\u0131 var. Bir f\u0131rt\u0131nay\u0131 m\u00fcjdeliyor besteci, y\u00fckselen dip dalgas\u0131ndan kopmu\u015f, alabildi\u011fine yelken a\u00e7m\u0131\u015f, k\u00e2h ipini kopar\u0131p deliren, k\u00e2h gemlenip uslanan, bir f\u0131rt\u0131na bu. Hava dolmu\u015f ama damlalar d\u00f6k\u00fclemiyor, ak\u0131p ak\u0131p bo\u015falam\u0131yor, sonra ans\u0131z\u0131n g\u00fcne\u015f a\u00e7\u0131yor, \u00e7i\u00e7ek yapraklar\u0131 titre\u015firken \u015fark\u0131ya durmu\u015f ku\u015flara bir bilseniz ne kokular g\u00f6nderiyor. Do\u011fa ve hayat harmonide kucakla\u015fm\u0131\u015f valsla y\u00fcz\u00fcyor. B\u00f6ylesi bir esinti ya\u015fat\u0131yor bu eser.<\/div>\n
Duyumsamamda, f\u0131rt\u0131nalardan sonra insano\u011flunun rahatl\u0131k bekledi\u011fi d\u00f6nem s\u0131rada. Ama \u00f6yle olmuyor, bizde \u00f6yle olmad\u0131 i\u015fte. Bizim i\u00e7in ge\u00e7erli olan bak\u0131\u015f a\u00e7\u0131s\u0131nda, \u201chayat kendi yolunu kendisi se\u00e7er<\/b>\u201d, \u00a0\u201cBir deli ba\u015fka bir deli\u011fi iyile\u015ftiremez<\/b>!\u201d<\/div>\n
Farkl\u0131 s\u00f6ylersek \u201ckronik hasta olan\u0131n yavrusu da solgun olur!\u201d Hayat\u0131m\u0131zda, \u00a0d\u00fcn\u00fc bug\u00fcnden, bug\u00fcn\u00fc de yar\u0131nlar\u0131m\u0131zdan kopmu\u015f g\u00f6remeyiz. \u00c7\u0131k\u0131\u015f noktam\u0131z bu olursa, her \u015feyimiz par\u00e7a par\u00e7a olur. Bir daha de\u011ferlenmemek \u00fczere da\u011f\u0131l\u0131p kaybolur.<\/div>\n
Schubert, kula\u011f\u0131m\u0131 ok\u015fayan ve hayal g\u00fcc\u00fcn\u00fc a\u00e7an bu eseriyle gelece\u011fin t\u00fcm insanlar\u0131na hayat\u0131n b\u00fct\u00fcnl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc ima edip, anlatmak ve asla unutturmamak istemi\u015f olabilir.<\/div>\n
Bizim dinamik hayat\u0131m\u0131z da ele avuca s\u0131\u011fm\u0131yor, g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc bir m\u00fczik gibi ak\u0131p gidiyor. <\/b><\/div>\n
1989 y\u0131l\u0131 patlamam\u0131z\u0131 \u00f6rnek al\u0131rsak, bu \u00f6yle cesur ve g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc bir infilakt\u0131 ki, t\u00fcm d\u00fcnyaya da\u011f\u0131ld\u0131k, Kanada, Avustralya, \u0130sve\u00e7, Fransa vs. \u201cVatan\u201d arad\u0131k, T\u00fcrkiye\u2019ye sellerle akt\u0131k. Bizim bu patlamam\u0131z \u00f6yle ki \u00e7ok g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc bir birikim sonucunda oldu.<\/div>\n
\u015e\u00f6yle bir bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda insanlar\u0131m\u0131z \u00e7ok h\u0131rpaland\u0131. <\/b><\/div>\n
Art\u0131k sakin, gururlu ve yine ba\u015f\u0131 dik olmam\u0131z gururumu ok\u015fuyor. Kapkara f\u0131rt\u0131nal\u0131 bir havadan tsunamiden \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f bir halimiz vard\u0131, giderek a\u015f\u0131yoruz. Vermedik ve vermiyoruz kendimizi, teslim olmad\u0131k ve olmuyoruz dertlere, \u00f6leceksem ayakta \u00f6leyim gururuyla ilerliyoruz dimdik. Ge\u00e7mi\u015fin t\u00fcm y\u00fck\u00fc s\u0131rt\u0131m\u0131zda olsa da, eklim b\u00fckl\u00fcm de\u011fil, s\u00fcr\u00fcnmeyi ak\u0131ldan ge\u00e7irmiyoruz. Hissediyorum gelecek g\u00fcnleri, \u00a0sesiz insanlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n g\u00f6nl\u00fcnde f\u0131rt\u0131na koparan yeni m\u00fczikler esecek. G\u00fcn\u00fcn sessizli\u011fini can kula\u011f\u0131yla seve seve dinleyenlerin g\u00fcn\u00fc geliyor.<\/div>\n
Bazen kavga etmek, k\u00f6p\u00fcrmek gelir i\u00e7ten i\u00e7e. Yak\u0131n hem\u015ferimden biri \u0130stanbul\u2019da uzunca kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Ofisimde doludan bo\u015fa doldururken e\u015finden telefon geldi. \u0130lk s\u00f6zle patlayan ses g\u00fcrledi. Sitemler ya\u011f\u0131yor. K\u0131zar\u0131p bozaran misafirin y\u00fcksek sesle \u201cDur be!\u201d, \u201cRica ederim bi dur!\u201d dedi \u201cBen seninle kavga etmeyi bile \u00f6zledim!, ne diyorsun!\u201d deyince, kar\u015f\u0131dan gelen ses yumu\u015fay\u0131verdi\u2026<\/div>\n
Bu sitede yay\u0131nlanan ilkyaz\u0131mda \u201cyal\u0131lar\u0131\u201d anlat\u0131rken, deniz suyu ile k\u0131y\u0131n\u0131n bulu\u015fup \u00f6p\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fc nedir, demi\u015ftim. Telefon ald\u0131m, denizin kudurdu\u011fu zaman ne olur: Sevi\u015fiyorlar m\u0131, yoksa d\u00f6v\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyorlar m\u0131?\u201d diye sordu kendini g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc hisseden okurum. Hem\u015ferimle verdi\u011fim \u00f6rnekten \u00e7\u0131karsak, sevi\u015fmek de kavga etmek de hayat\u0131n bir par\u00e7as\u0131d\u0131r. Karda k\u0131\u015fta, ya\u011fmurlu baharda ya da orak s\u0131ca\u011f\u0131nda sevgilinin g\u00f6zlerine bak\u0131nca hep ayn\u0131 duygular\u0131 hissetmiyor muyuz?\u2026<\/div>\n
Schubert\u2019 i dinlerken anneannemi an\u0131msad\u0131m. \u0130ki kat b\u00fck\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f bah\u00e7emize fasulye ekerken, haz\u0131rlanm\u0131\u015f kaz\u0131lm\u0131\u015f \u00e7izilmi\u015f g\u00fcbresi sa\u00e7\u0131lm\u0131\u015f kar\u0131klar\u0131n baz\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 bo\u015f b\u0131rakmak pahas\u0131na, tohumlardan birka\u00e7 tutam ay\u0131r\u0131r ve kom\u015fu Refiye teyzeye uzat\u0131rd\u0131. \u201cAl \u015funlar\u0131, avlu boyuna ek, karde\u015flerinle\u201d, derdi. Sanki bizim bah\u00e7eye ekse karde\u015flerine engel mi var, diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcr\u00fcrd\u00fc beni. Bir defas\u0131nda iyice dald\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 anlam\u0131\u015f olacak \u201conlar\u0131n da olursa, g\u00f6z hakk\u0131 kalmaz k\u0131z\u0131m, sen i\u015fine bak\u201d dedi. Anneannem hayat\u0131n b\u00fct\u00fcnl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fcn diplomas\u0131z profes\u00f6r\u00fc gibiydi. Yatt\u0131\u011f\u0131 yerler nur olsun. Akl\u0131ma geldik\u00e7e kendimi bom bo\u015f buldu\u011fum oluyor. Harmoninin hayat okulu yok gibi, olanda bol, olmayanda yok\u2026<\/div>\n
Karma\u015f\u0131k bir \u00e7a\u011fda, bocalayarak arama i\u00e7inde ya\u015f\u0131yoruz. K\u00e2buslu bir gecenin sabah\u0131nda huzur arar gibi bir ruh hali h\u00e2kim. \u0130\u00e7 d\u00fcnyam\u0131z kayn\u0131yor. Hepimiz \u015fu noktada fikir birli\u011findeyiz, durulamad\u0131k ama durulaca\u011f\u0131z. B\u00f6l\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015f, par\u00e7alanm\u0131\u015f, birbirinin s\u0131cakl\u0131\u011f\u0131na muhta\u00e7 ailelerin yeni huzur dengesi arayan \u00fcyeleriyiz.<\/div>\n
Biz son y\u00fczy\u0131lda budand\u0131k. <\/b><\/div>\n
\u00d6z\u00fcm\u00fczde, suyumuzda t\u00fcm yetenekler, her \u015fey olsa da, \u015fu an \u015fair gibi \u015fairimiz, sanat\u00e7\u0131 denecek \u015fark\u0131c\u0131m\u0131z, teli kopmam\u0131\u015f saz\u0131m\u0131z yok. Bilmem yazmama gerek var m\u0131 ama \u201cJigoli\u201d bizi ne y\u00fcreklendirebilir, ne ruhumuzu zenginle\u015ftirebilir, ne karanl\u0131klar\u0131n sisini kald\u0131rabilir ne de bizi kanatland\u0131rabilir.<\/div>\n
Ezilmi\u015fli\u011fimizi art\u0131k yava\u015f yava\u015f a\u015fmal\u0131y\u0131z.<\/b><\/div>\n
Anneannemin \u015eerife teyze dedi\u011fim uzaktan bir k\u0131z karde\u015fi vard\u0131. Y\u0131lda bir bulu\u015furlar, gece boyu dertle\u015firler, anlat\u0131rlar anlat\u0131rlar da bitiremezler, biraz\u0131n\u0131 da yar\u0131na b\u0131rak\u0131rlard\u0131. \u015eerife teyzenin bir esnaf \u015fehrinin yerlisi oldu\u011funu tane tane konu\u015fmas\u0131, \u00fczerindeki g\u00fcl kokusu, pastel renkli ipek i\u00e7 giysileri anlat\u0131yordu. E\u015fi ise konu a\u00e7\u0131klad\u0131\u011f\u0131nda \u015eerife teyze beni kuca\u011f\u0131na al\u0131r, sa\u00e7\u0131m\u0131 ok\u015fayarak yava\u015f yava\u015f anlat\u0131rd\u0131:<\/div>\n
\u015eu partiler var ya, o zaman da vard\u0131. 1934\u2019fa\u015f\u0131t rejiminde tutukland\u0131 Mehmet deden, Aleksand\u0131r Stanboliyski \u00e7ift\u00e7ilerinin bizim orada ba\u015f\u0131yd\u0131, celepti, Bulgarlarla birlik olup \u201cMaritsa\u201d sucuk fabrikas\u0131n\u0131 kurdu, \u201cKarlovo lukantas\u0131\u201d yapt\u0131. Sen misin ileri ge\u00e7en. \u00d6l\u00fcm\u00fc istendi. Ka\u00e7t\u0131 5 y\u0131l \u0130zmir\u2019de yak\u0131nlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n yan\u0131nda kald\u0131. D\u00f6nd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnde de birimize rahat g\u00fcn yoktu. En sonunda Koca Balkan\u2019\u0131n \u201cAmbaritsa\u201d mevkiinde mand\u0131ra kurdu. Beyaz peynir ve ka\u015far peyniri yapt\u0131. 1943 k\u0131\u015f\u0131nda mal\u0131 Balkan\u2019dan indiremedi. Mand\u0131rada kald\u0131. Kar k\u0131\u015f ku\u015fak boyu.<\/div>\n
Bir gece \u00c7ar Boris jandarmalar\u0131 basm\u0131\u015f mand\u0131ray\u0131, \u201csen partizanlara peynir veriyorsun\u201d demi\u015fler, Mehmet dedenin abas\u0131n\u0131 poturunu alm\u0131\u015flar, bocukta anadan do\u011fma d\u0131\u015far\u0131 atm\u0131\u015flar geberesicileri. O da kurda ku\u015fa yem olmaktansa belki \u015fehre inerim, inebilirsen demi\u015f ve y\u00fcr\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f diz boyu karda\u2026<\/div>\n
Yol yordam yok, gece ay \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131nda g\u00f6z yordam\u0131na Balkandan salm\u0131\u015f kendini, inmi\u015f, indik\u00e7e donmu\u015f, y\u00fcz\u00fc g\u00f6z\u00fc buz, elindeki sopa parmaklar\u0131na yap\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f, neyse Kazanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n Bademlik mevkiine kadar inmi\u015f ve koskoca adam \u00e7\u0131r\u0131l \u00e7\u0131plak serilmi\u015f ilk evin \u00f6n\u00fcne. Kom\u015fular sabah bulmu\u015flar, arabayla getirdiler, a\u011falarm\u0131s\u0131n s\u0131zlar m\u0131s\u0131n k\u0131z\u0131m, derken hep b\u00fcrg\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fcn ucuyla g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 silerdi.<\/div>\n
\u00d6lm\u00fc\u015f sand\u0131k, \u0131l\u0131k suyla ovarken d\u00f6nd\u00fc hayata, solu\u011fu Filibe devlet hastanesinde ald\u0131k. Sonralar\u0131 bana \u201chayata d\u00f6nmek \u00f6lmekten \u00e7ok daha zormu\u015f\u201d dedi. O s\u0131z\u0131lar o a\u011f\u0131r\u0131lar, iki aya\u011f\u0131 da kangren olmu\u015f, sol kolu da kangrenle\u015fmi\u015f, \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn\u00fc de kestiler.<\/div>\n
Ben, \u00fc\u00e7 \u00e7ocuk ve elsiz kolsuz ayaks\u0131z bacaks\u0131z adamla be\u015f alt\u0131 y\u0131l ya\u015fad\u0131m k\u0131z\u0131m, derken y\u00fcz\u00fcme bak\u0131yor ve sa\u00e7\u0131m\u0131 \u00f6p\u00fcyordu.<\/div>\n
Sonra ne oldu dedi\u011fimde:<\/b><\/div>\n
Satran\u00e7 oynad\u0131. \u00d6nceleri de satran\u00e7 oyununda \u00e7ok hevesliydi, gencini ya\u015fl\u0131s\u0131n\u0131, T\u00fcrk\u00fcn\u00fc Bulgar\u2019\u0131n\u0131 yenerdi. O zaman b\u00fcy\u00fck sava\u015f, a\u00e7l\u0131k, k\u0131tl\u0131k, elde yok pazarda yok. \u201cBen ailemi ge\u00e7indiririm\u201d dedi. Evimizin avlusunda satran\u00e7 kursu a\u00e7t\u0131, her hafta turnuva d\u00fczenledi, paral\u0131 yar\u0131\u015flar yapt\u0131, hep kazand\u0131, \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc yendi.<\/div>\n
\u201cOnlar bana v\u0131z gelir\u201d derdi. <\/b><\/div>\n
Yendi ald\u0131 paralar\u0131n\u0131, avluya gelen Bulgarlar\u0131n hepsi burnu b\u00fck\u00fck \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131 kap\u0131m\u0131zdan. Ne a\u011f\u0131r, ne zor g\u00fcnlerdi. \u0130\u015f insan\u0131n ruhundad\u0131r k\u0131z\u0131m. Ruhlu olan her zaman kazan\u0131r. Sen sa\u00e7\u0131n\u0131 kestir ama ruhuna dokundurma. Oy g\u00fczel yavrum benim, deyip beni ba\u011fr\u0131na basar, daha da y\u00fcrekten severdi beni.<\/div>\n
Sonra 9 Eyl\u00fcl 1944 geldi. Partizanlar balkandan indiler. Bir g\u00fcn hepsi toplanm\u0131\u015f, \u201cMehmet yolda\u015f, peynirlerini az m\u0131 yedik\u201d diye \u015fakala\u015farak avluya doldular, oturdular. Hepsine kahve ikram etti, bayram ertesiydi, baklava sundum.<\/div>\n
\u00a0Karlovo \u015fehrinde fa\u015fizme ve kapitalizme kar\u015f\u0131 m\u00fccadele edenlere verilen emekli ve hizmet maa\u015f\u0131n\u0131 getirmi\u015flerdi. Mehmet deden \u201ckom\u015fular\u0131m ben sizi bilirim bug\u00fcn verir yar\u0131n al\u0131rs\u0131n\u0131z. Ben inad\u0131ma ya\u015f\u0131yorum.\u201d dedi ve almad\u0131, hepsini g\u00fcler y\u00fczle u\u011furlad\u0131.<\/div>\n
O zaman bu zaman ben cesur erkekleri cesur ve y\u00fcrekli analar do\u011furdu\u011funa inan\u0131r\u0131m. Ge\u00e7mi\u015fi bug\u00fcn\u00fc ve bug\u00fcnde hem ge\u00e7mi\u015fi hem de yar\u0131nlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 bir b\u00fct\u00fcn olarak g\u00f6ren ve ya\u015fatan insanlar\u0131m\u0131z var bizim. Bize inad\u0131na ya\u015farken nice m\u00fcjdeler bah\u015fedecek ku\u015faklar geliyor.<\/div>\n
Bir yandan kula\u011f\u0131m\u0131n kenar\u0131yla Schubert \u2019i dinliyorum, Refiye teyze an\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131n etkisinde kald\u0131m. \u015eu an hayat beni de \u0130NADINA YA\u015eAMAYA \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 hissetim. Evet Biz vard\u0131k, \u00a0var\u0131z ve var olmaya da devam edece\u011fiz.<\/div>\n
Reklamlar<\/div>