{"id":42845,"date":"2019-12-17T15:00:46","date_gmt":"2019-12-17T12:00:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.bghaber.org\/bghaber\/?p=42845"},"modified":"2019-12-17T00:18:55","modified_gmt":"2019-12-16T21:18:55","slug":"liberal-terbiyenin-tuzaklari","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bghaber.org\/bghaber\/liberal-terbiyenin-tuzaklari\/","title":{"rendered":"Liberal terbiyenin tuzaklar\u0131"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><b>\u0130sve\u00e7li psikiyatrist, yazar ve dokuz \u00e7ocuk babas\u0131\u00a0 David Everhard &#8220;\u00c7ocuklar\u0131n iktidar\u0131 ele ge\u00e7irmesi&#8221;\u00a0ba\u015fl\u0131kl\u0131 kitab\u0131nda \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n terbiyesinde, liberal yakla\u015f\u0131m\u0131n \u00e7\u00f6k\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fc konu ediyor. Bat\u0131 Avrupa&#8217;da ve \u00f6zellikle \u0130skandinav \u00fclkelerinde milyonlarca \u00e7ocu\u011fun yeti\u015ftirilmesinde uygulanan liberal yakla\u015f\u0131m\u0131n, yani \u00e7ocu\u011fun kendisi i\u00e7in en iyi olan\u0131n\u0131n ne oldu\u011funu bilmesi, velileri ve \u00f6\u011fretmenleri ile e\u015fit \u015fekilde g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f belirtme ve karar verme hakk\u0131na sahip olmas\u0131, b\u00fcy\u00fcklerle &#8220;e\u015fit&#8221; olmas\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesinin art\u0131k ortada olan sonu\u00e7lar\u0131, sevince vesile vermiyor.<\/b><\/p>\n<p>Uzmanlara g\u00f6re s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n, kurallar\u0131n ve yasaklar\u0131n olmay\u0131\u015f\u0131, \u00e7ocuklar\u0131 \u00e7ocukluktan mahrum b\u0131rak\u0131p gen\u00e7ler aras\u0131nda hayal k\u0131r\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131 ve depresyonlara yol a\u00e7\u0131yor. \u00c7ocu\u011fun k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir &#8220;yeti\u015fkin&#8221; olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131na dikkat \u00e7eken uzmanlar, \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n g\u00fcnl\u00fck ya\u015famda ve hayatta yap\u0131lmas\u0131 icap eden se\u00e7im ve tercihlerden sorumluluk \u00fcstlenmek i\u00e7in gerekli tecr\u00fcbe ve bilgiye sahip olmad\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 ileri s\u00fcr\u00fcyorlar.<\/p>\n<p>\u00c7ocuklar\u0131n isteklerine aynen uyulmas\u0131, velilerin su\u00e7luluk duymalar\u0131na yol a\u00e7\u0131yor, \u00e7ocuklar\u0131 ise birer kaprisli diktat\u00f6r haline getiriyor.\u00d6te yandan \u015fiddet uygulamak ve \u00e7ocuklardaki her bireysellik ifadesini bast\u0131rmak hari\u00e7, s\u00f6z\u00fcm ona &#8220;otoriter&#8221; terbiye, \u00e7ocuklarda g\u00fcven ve \u00f6zg\u00fcven duygusunu olu\u015fturuyor.<\/p>\n<p><b>Geleneksel terbiyeyi \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n, ebeveynlerin ve yeti\u015fkinlerin rollerine ili\u015fkin \u00e7a\u011fda\u015f alg\u0131larla bir araya getirmek m\u00fcmk\u00fcn m\u00fc?<\/b><\/p>\n<p>Bu konuda Veneta Gavrilova, psikolog ve psikoterapist \u0130rina Dragolova ile s\u00f6yle\u015fti.<\/p><div id=\"bghab-1823516902\" class=\"bghab-icerik-icine bghab-entity-placement\"><script async src=\"\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-6203283170189293\" crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script><ins class=\"adsbygoogle\" style=\"display:block; text-align:center;\" data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-6203283170189293\" \ndata-ad-slot=\"7303146466\" \ndata-ad-layout=\"in-article\"\ndata-ad-format=\"fluid\" data-full-width-responsive=\"true\"><\/ins>\n<script> \n(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); \n<\/script>\n<\/div>\n<p><i>&#8220;Liberal terbiye modelinde herkesin haklar\u0131 oldu\u011fu ileri s\u00fcr\u00fcl\u00fcyor. Do\u011frudur. Fakat bu modelde s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n konulmas\u0131 zor oluyor. Sonsuz \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck \u00e7ocuklar i\u00e7in \u00e7ok ta sa\u011fl\u0131kl\u0131 bir \u015fey de\u011fil&#8221;\u00a0<\/i>diyen uzman psikolog, geleneksel terbiye modelinden farkl\u0131 olarak liberal modelde \u00e7ocu\u011fun d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesine \u00f6nem verilmesinin, bu yakla\u015f\u0131m\u0131 cazibeli k\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131na dikkat \u00e7ekerek liberal yakla\u015f\u0131m\u0131 &#8220;otoriter&#8221; terbiye gelene\u011fine tepki ve ebeveynlikte isyan olarak de\u011ferlendirdi.<\/p>\n<p><i>&#8220;S\u0131k s\u0131k kimin en &#8220;cool&#8221; baba oldu\u011fu, kimin \u00e7ocuklar\u0131 ile en yak\u0131n arkada\u015f oldu\u011fu yar\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 izliyoruz. Anne ve babalar evlatlar\u0131n\u0131n d\u00fczeyine inmeye, \u00e7ocuk gibi arkada\u015f\u00e7a davranmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorlar. Oysa bu do\u011fru de\u011fil, biz onlar\u0131n arkada\u015f\u0131 de\u011fil, ebeveyniyiz.&#8221;<\/i><\/p>\n<p><b>Liberal terbiye modelinin \u00e7ok yayg\u0131n oldu\u011fu Bat\u0131 Avrupa \u00fclkeleri ve \u0130skandinav devletlerinin deneyimi ne g\u00f6steriyor<\/b>\u00a0sorusu \u00fczerine \u0130rina Dragolova \u015funlar\u0131 s\u00f6yledi:<\/p>\n<p><i>&#8220;Bug\u00fcnk\u00fc ergen \u00e7ocuklar\u0131 ve gen\u00e7ler, her ne kadar d\u00fcnyan\u0131n bu b\u00f6lgesinde bundan \u00f6nce g\u00f6r\u00fclmemi\u015f derecede y\u00fcksek refah d\u00fczeyine sahip olsalar da asl\u0131nda kendilerini mutlu hissetmiyorlar. G\u00fcven eksikli\u011fi ve kafa kar\u0131\u015f\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131 gibi hisler i\u00e7inde olduklar\u0131n\u0131 payla\u015f\u0131yorlar. \u0130statistik verileri, depresif veya endi\u015feli durumlar ya\u015fayanlar\u0131n \u00e7o\u011falmakta oldu\u011funu g\u00f6steriyor. Yani yanl\u0131\u015f giden bir \u015feyler var. \u00c7ocuklar\u0131, yeti\u015fmekte olanlar\u0131 son derece k\u0131r\u0131lgan ve istikrars\u0131z bireyler olarak alg\u0131larsak onlar\u0131n b\u00fcy\u00fck bir b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc kendilerini \u00f6yle alg\u0131lamaya ba\u015flayacak. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc onlarda ele\u015ftirel d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnme kabiliyeti geli\u015fmi\u015f de\u011fil. Dolay\u0131s\u0131yla di\u011ferlerinin s\u00f6yledikleri ile, tav\u0131rlar\u0131 ile verdikleri mesaj onlarda savunmas\u0131z, aciz olduklar\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesini yarat\u0131r&#8221;<\/i>\u00a0diyor uzman psikolog ve \u015funu da ekliyor:<\/p>\n<p><i>&#8220;Ebeveyn, \u00e7ocu\u011fun hayal k\u0131r\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131 ya\u015famas\u0131n\u0131 engellemeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yor. Velilerin s\u00f6yleminde gittik\u00e7e daha s\u0131k &#8220;travma&#8221; ve &#8220;stres&#8221; s\u00f6zc\u00fckleri yer al\u0131yor. \u00c7ocuklar da ayn\u0131 a\u011f\u0131zdan konu\u015fmaya ba\u015fl\u0131yor, \u00f6\u011fretmenim ve e\u011fitim sistemi ki\u015fisel ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131ma uymad\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in, hangi derse girece\u011fime, ne zaman oyun oynayaca\u011f\u0131ma, dersleri \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131p \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmayaca\u011f\u0131ma dair karar vermeme m\u00fcsaade etmeyerek bende travma yarat\u0131yor diyorlar. Bu konuda b\u00fcy\u00fcklere sorumluluk d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyor. \u00c7ocuklar\u0131n h\u00fcsrana ve ba\u015far\u0131s\u0131zl\u0131\u011fa u\u011framas\u0131n\u0131 pahas\u0131 ne olursa olsun engellemeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmak, &#8220;hay\u0131r&#8221; cevab\u0131n\u0131 al\u0131nca travma olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131, \u00fcz\u00fclece\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmek&#8221; do\u011fru de\u011fil. Hayatta evet ve hay\u0131r diye iki cevap var ve ba\u015far\u0131s\u0131zl\u0131k ya\u015fay\u0131nca bu durumun \u00fcstesinden gelmeyi bilmeyenler, bunu tecr\u00fcbe olarak g\u00f6rmeyenler, kendilerini bir\u00e7ok ba\u015far\u0131s\u0131zl\u0131k ve &#8220;hay\u0131r&#8221; cevab\u0131 ile kar\u015f\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131ya getirecek olan d\u00fcnyada ya\u015famak konusunda zorlanacakt\u0131r.&#8221;<\/i><\/p><div id=\"bghab-38271398\" class=\"bghab-icerik-icine-10-paragraf bghab-entity-placement\"><script async src=\"\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-6203283170189293\" crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script><ins class=\"adsbygoogle\" style=\"display:block; text-align:center;\" data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-6203283170189293\" \ndata-ad-slot=\"7303146466\" \ndata-ad-layout=\"in-article\"\ndata-ad-format=\"fluid\" data-full-width-responsive=\"true\"><\/ins>\n<script> \n(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); \n<\/script>\n<\/div>\n<p><b>Ebeveynleri taraf\u0131ndan koruma alt\u0131na al\u0131nan, &#8220;hay\u0131r&#8221; cevab\u0131n\u0131 duymaya al\u0131\u015f\u0131k olmayan bir \u00e7ocuk nas\u0131l bir bireye d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr, ruh hali ne olur\u00a0<\/b>sorusu \u00fczerine konu\u011fumuz \u015fu cevab\u0131 verdi:<\/p>\n<p><i>&#8220;Bir yandan endi\u015fe d\u00fczeyi artar. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc d\u00fcnyan\u0131n meydan okumalar\u0131n\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131lamayan biri &#8220;ben yeterince iyi de\u011filim&#8221; d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesi ile ya endi\u015feye, ya da depresyona kap\u0131l\u0131r. Ayr\u0131ca d\u00fcnya benim istedi\u011fim gibi i\u015flemiyor diye agresif, sald\u0131rgan olmas\u0131 da kuvvetle muhtemel&#8221; diyor konu\u011fumuz ve liberal terbiye modeli sonu\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131n etraftakiler i\u00e7in de rahats\u0131z edici olabilece\u011fini belirtiyor. \u00d6rne\u011fin Yunanistan&#8217;da \u00e7ocuklu aileler kabul etmeyen oteller var art\u0131k. Yani ho\u015fg\u00f6r\u00fcs\u00fczl\u00fc\u011fe ho\u015fg\u00f6r\u00fc g\u00f6sterilmiyor. Dolay\u0131s\u0131yla \u00e7ocuklara di\u011fer ki\u015filere ait olan alana sayg\u0131 duymalar\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6\u011fretmemiz laz\u0131m. Ba\u011f\u0131r\u0131p \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rmak istersen buna m\u00fcsait yerler oldu\u011fu gibi m\u00fcsait olmayan yerler de var. D\u00fcnyan\u0131n ki\u015fisel ihtiya\u00e7 ve duygulara g\u00f6re d\u00f6nmesi s\u00f6z konusu olamaz.<\/i><\/p>\n<p>Peki otoriter ve liberal terbiye modelinin ortas\u0131 var m\u0131d\u0131r? \u0130\u015fte psikolog Dragolova&#8217;n\u0131n yan\u0131t\u0131:<\/p>\n<p><i>&#8220;\u00d6rnek vereyim. \u00c7ocu\u011fun ana okula gitmek \u00fczere giyinmesi gerekirken otoriter olan ebeveyn &#8220;\u015eunu giy&#8221; deyip itiraz kabul etmiyor. Liberal olan &#8220;Ne istersen onu giy&#8221; der. Tabii, bunun \u00fczerine k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcc\u00fck k\u0131z, k\u0131\u015f ortas\u0131nda pembe t\u00fcl elbise se\u00e7er, ho\u015funa giden bu olur. Oysa orta derecede otoriter veya liberal olan ebeveyn, \u00e7ocu\u011funun se\u00e7im yapmay\u0131 ve soumluluk \u00fcstlenmesini de \u00f6\u011frenmesi gerekti\u011fi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesi ile hareket ederek kendisine iki se\u00e7enek sunar &#8211; bu iki bluz veya pantolondan hangisini giymek istersin diye sorar. Yani \u00e7ocu\u011fun belirli bir \u00e7er\u00e7evede se\u00e7im ve tercih hakk\u0131 olmal\u0131&#8221;\u00a0<\/i>diyen psikolog bir \u00f6rnek daha verdi:<\/p>\n<p><i>&#8220;37-38 ya\u015f\u0131nda olan bir adam di\u015f problemleri \u00e7ekti\u011fini payla\u015ft\u0131. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fckken de di\u015flerindeki problemlerden dolay\u0131 di\u015f\u00e7iye gitmesi ve tel takt\u0131rmas\u0131 gerekiyormu\u015f. Kendisi di\u015f doktoruna gitmeyi kesinlikle istememesi, konu her a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131nda a\u011flamas\u0131 \u00fczerine anne ve babas\u0131 pes etmi\u015fler. Sonu\u00e7ta evde kavga \u00e7\u0131kmam\u0131\u015f, \u00e7ocuk \u201ctravma\u201d ya\u015famam\u0131\u015f. Hastam olan bu adam, velileri onun akl\u0131na uyduklar\u0131 i\u00e7in \u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc payla\u015ft\u0131. &#8220;Bunu yapmam\u0131\u015f olsalard\u0131 e\u011fer \u015fimdi bu s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131lar\u0131 \u00e7ekmezdim&#8221;\u00a0<\/i>dedi.<\/p><div id=\"bghab-3763169882\" class=\"bghab-icerik-icine-15-paragraf bghab-entity-placement\"><script async src=\"\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-6203283170189293\" crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script><ins class=\"adsbygoogle\" style=\"display:block; text-align:center;\" data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-6203283170189293\" \ndata-ad-slot=\"7303146466\" \ndata-ad-layout=\"in-article\"\ndata-ad-format=\"fluid\" data-full-width-responsive=\"true\"><\/ins>\n<script> \n(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); \n<\/script>\n<\/div>\n<p>\u0130rina Dragolova, konu\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131n sonunda velilerin vicdan azab\u0131 konusuna da de\u011findi.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;M\u00fckemmel ebeveyn olma iste\u011fi s\u00f6z konusu. \u00c7ocuk daha anne rahmindeyken ne t\u00fcr m\u00fczik dinletece\u011fimizi bilmeliyiz. Aksi halde iyi anne olmay\u0131z. Brokoli yedirmezsek iyi anne de\u011filiz, en iyi ve g\u00fcvenli bebek arabas\u0131 veya araba koltu\u011funu almazsak iyi ebeveyn de\u011filiz d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesi ile vicdan azab\u0131 \u00e7ekiyor, \u00e7ocu\u011fu desteklemeye, yard\u0131m etmeye, geli\u015fmesi i\u00e7in en iyi \u015fartlar\u0131 sa\u011flamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yoruz. Bir yandan \u00f6zg\u00fcven sahibi olmalar\u0131n\u0131, empati g\u00f6stermelerini, ayn\u0131 zamanda rasyonel olmalar\u0131n\u0131, analiz etmelerini, ku\u015fkucu olmalar\u0131n\u0131, tek ba\u015f\u0131na ele\u015ftirel \u015fekilde d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmelerini istiyoruz. Fakat \u00e7ocuklar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n isteklerimize bire bir uymalar\u0131 ve geli\u015fmeleri m\u00fcmk\u00fcn de\u011fil. Bu anlamda ebeveynin kendi rol\u00fcn\u00fc b\u00fcy\u00fctmemesi ve kendi eksikliklerinden \u00e7ok fazla korkmamas\u0131 \u00f6nemli. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc \u00e7evrenin etkisi de \u00e7ok b\u00fcy\u00fck ve belirli bir ya\u015ftan sonra okul arkada\u015flar\u0131n\u0131n etkisi a\u011f\u0131r basmaya ba\u015flar. Bunun bir \u00f6rne\u011fi ana okuldan d\u00f6nen \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n evde kullanmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z kelimeleri kullanmas\u0131d\u0131r&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>BNR<\/p>\n<div id=\"bghab-247412025\" class=\"bghab-yazi-altinda bghab-entity-placement\"><div class=\"bghab-adlabel\">Reklamlar<\/div><script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js\"><\/script>\r\n<!-- bghaber-yaz\u0131-sonu -->\r\n<ins class=\"adsbygoogle\"\r\n     style=\"display:block\"\r\n     data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-6203283170189293\"\r\n     data-ad-slot=\"4222328180\"\r\n     data-ad-format=\"auto\"\r\n     data-full-width-responsive=\"true\"><\/ins>\r\n<script>\r\n     (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});\r\n<\/script><\/div><br style=\"clear: both; display: block; float: none;\"\/>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u0130sve\u00e7li psikiyatrist, yazar ve dokuz \u00e7ocuk babas\u0131\u00a0 David Everhard &#8220;\u00c7ocuklar\u0131n iktidar\u0131 ele ge\u00e7irmesi&#8221;\u00a0ba\u015fl\u0131kl\u0131 kitab\u0131nda \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n terbiyesinde, liberal yakla\u015f\u0131m\u0131n \u00e7\u00f6k\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fc konu ediyor. Bat\u0131 Avrupa&#8217;da ve \u00f6zellikle<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":29,"featured_media":42846,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[30,1321,2735],"class_list":["post-42845","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-yasam","tag-bulgaristan","tag-cocuk","tag-terbiye"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.bghaber.org\/bghaber\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/cocuk-aile-oyun-egitim.gif?fit=925%2C520&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pc2PfJ-b93","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bghaber.org\/bghaber\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42845","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bghaber.org\/bghaber\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bghaber.org\/bghaber\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bghaber.org\/bghaber\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/29"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bghaber.org\/bghaber\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=42845"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.bghaber.org\/bghaber\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42845\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bghaber.org\/bghaber\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/42846"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bghaber.org\/bghaber\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=42845"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bghaber.org\/bghaber\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=42845"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bghaber.org\/bghaber\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=42845"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}